WELL THAT WAS A GIANT SLAP IN THE FACE.
Whoever said “mamas can have it all, or even try to have it all”, made me laugh evil-y last week. I did not have it all. Any of it. What I did have, was a flu from being run down, boob milk on my suit jacket and a new, special kind of super-exhaustion that made me about as upbeat and positive as Eyeore from Winnie the Pooh (you know, the depressed donkey). No amount of positive trash talk, which usually motivates me, like this or repeat plays of Level Up saved me last week.
I found myself sitting at my desk, thinking “No, I do not want to answer your email immediately” and “No, I cannot jump back into things like nothing has happened.”
The truth is, so much has happened. I have to accept that my weekday cannot revolve around work like it used to. I have another, way cooler job of being a mama that I would like to have enough energy to do well (or well enough, am not weighing myself down with expectation here).
I have to remind myself, this is a transition, and it is hard, and that is ok. I also didn’t factor in getting sick with the flu last week. I know they say in tough times, dig deep. But digging deep when you need to dig deep is, well, tiring, and boy was I tired.
The joys of the mid day pump…
My attempt to dig deep saw me (unconvincingly) reminding myself “everything is hard when you are unwell, so don’t be so hard on yourself there, mama”. My better half reminded me of this important message, for that I am so grateful. And in my own mama’s words, “just participate, make it through each marathon day one day at a time and give it a red hot go”.
So I had a day off, and then gave it a red hot go. And this week, I am pleased to report, is infinitely better. I am not sick and I am making it through the days, dare I say, well (hoorah!).
But know this, to all of you glorious, ball-juggling-mind-and-time-management- guru-working-mamas out there who have gone down this brutal transition path before me: I salute you. I now join you on the gloriously gruelling journey of WELL-HOW-ON-EARTH-AM-I-GOING-TO-MAKE- THIS-WORK-AND-NOT-GO-INSANE?
Don’t even get me started on pumping – is it not the most laborious, pain staking thing ever?
Please, wish me more luck.
Sophia is a new mum, slowly adapting to the many changes that a new baby brings to life. She is a keen writer and adventurer who loves to travel, although now considers leaving the house and walking around Kennedy Town, where she lives, an adventure in itself (ah, how times change post baby).
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